WHEN DID IT ALL GO WRONG?

Honestly, I just can’t handle the over-obsessed fandom anymore. I have completely given up reading the inane threads worshipping Taylor. Doesn’t matter what he does or doesn’t do, he is their GOD. I suppose it’s alright to adore an artist to the point of insanity but I really don’t get it. We’ve talked about this before, but now I think it has reached a point of total saturation and unrealism. Taylor is an entertainer (his own words), he sings, he plays guitar and harp. He won a talent show. He recorded some CD’s. He performs live for audiences. Now he is a Broadway stah!!!! So what in there creates this obsession for him? I guess it started when he was on AI. Hell, I loved him on Idol too but I never went to the boards or hung on his every word. Hell afer Idol, I didn’t even know what happened to him until his CD surfaced. I hated it, so forgot about him again until he popped up on AI the following year. Then it started. Not an obsession, a major curiousity. He was intriguing to me. He made me wonder. Then the sham and mfoya and all that went with that leading to me starting this blog. Why, I honestly don’t know. He doesn’t have the Svengali hold over me like he does others, he never has but he still peeks my curiosity and still keeps me guessing. I guess I like that about Taylor. He is an enigma. He is mysterious and complicated, pissy and difficult. A major game player for sure who has lost his way. I feel bad for him sometimes too, I really do. I wish things could have been different for him. He is so talented and he could be so good, but he is so over the top and manic. Last night watching the PBS show, I almost cringed. So fast, so crazy, saying fuck was funny but again just over the top. He was out of breath and still doing those stupid dance moves from AI. It’s sad really that 2 years later, he can’t shake it or should I say he won’t shake it. He doesn’t even try anymore cause he tried it on his own and that didn’t work, so he has to fall back on the Idol bullshit to get his name and face out there. He doesn’t need it really, it’s a comfort zone I think. I never got to see him live but from what I’m told he is a totally different performer than he was on Idol. I’ve heard and seen vids of course, some great, some awful, but from what I’ve seen and heard, he can be awesome. I don’t see where he connects to his fans so well in concert, but I’ve never been to one so I’m not sure.

This all leads me to the crazy loons. One board in particular has fans that are so over the top it makes me nauseous. When did it all go wrong? When did it all fall apart and instead of being fans they became stalkers? The fanbase started imploding last fall when mfoya came around. Many just couldn’t cope with that, many didn’t believe, many still don’t want to believe that Taylor is a man. He is just a man who does things wrong sometimes and does things right occasionally. He wants fans or course, all singers do, but did he deserve this? I don’t know, his game playing ignites them, keeps them entranced. His fake smiles, phony answers to questions, promises never kept seems to keep them in line. They stalk him at the stage door night after night. You would think they would see the pissy look on his face and in his eyes. You would think they could read his body language. You would think they would get a clue, take the hint. But they don’t. They even went so far as to use a handicapped excuse to get closer to him at the Captiol 4th thing. They had just been to Grease and saw him like maybe a day or 2 before, but they had to go to DC to see him. How the hell much do you have to see this man? My God, let him be, leave him alone. WTF? does he have to bitch slap you before you get it. He appreciates his fans to a point but this is so ridiculous. I don’t think any entertainer wants this. Can you imagine having to see the same faces gawking and drooling over you night after night. He must feel trapped in NYC, like a caged animal. Bet he can’t wait till this run is over so he can get the hell out of there and away from the loons. Why can’t you just calm down, get a life and leave Taylor do whatever it is Taylor does. He’s not gonna like you more or date you cause you show up night after night. He’s not gonna be your BFF all of a sudden. You can see the anger rise in his voice when he is approaced. I’ve seen a few of the stage door vids and it’s not pretty. But I don’t think the loons see it, I don’t think they hear him, I think they just turn a blind eye and believe he loves them. Soul Patrol shout out, shit, he hates that, hates it. You can hear it and see it on his face. Do you really look at him, do you really hear him? Do you get what he is trying to say when he sends his messages in his songs? Do you understand? Nah! cause you are too obsessed! Funny thing is, the real fans get him. We get him more than he would like us too. How many times does he have to say the CD will be out in the fall, the tour is coming? He said it, it will come out when it does, stop asking, stop wondering. It’s gonna be a long time so don’t hold your breath.

It is so sad to me really. This whole stalkerish behavior. Entire threads devoted to his hair. They stalk his dresser, the stage hands, the doorman, don’t get me started on the poor lady at the box office. OMG. He takes a few days off in August and there is a 15 page thread over what he is doing and why he is taking a weekend off. WTF, who cares? it’s a couple of days. None of your damn business. The saddest part is probably how they attack each other and attack anyone who dares not agree with their worship of Taylor. Innocent people are trashed and dragged through the mud. People close to Taylor are sought out to get “insider” info. I’m not getting into that right now because if I do, I am going to come unglued.

I hold back so much on this blog. I know so much more than I will ever ever say here. If I did World War 3 would start in the fandom.

MJ( this is not the MJ from MJsbigblog) said the following to me recently. Truer words were never spoken.

The reason his fans are so willing to lie to themselves is because they don’t want THEIR ride to end. So they are willing to do anything to keep it alive. Because without it, they go back to not having a life. It’s like they can’t afford to lose it! Because without Taylor Hicks, they don’t exist.

Damn when did it all go so wrong?

THE CALL OF THE LOON

I’ve been doing some research since Taylor hit the big time and there is nothing left to say about him.  Anyone ever wondered about the origin and the call of the loon?  Well they were given that name for a reason. 

The Loon is an aqautic bird found in many parts of North America and Eurasia.  They are the size of a small duck or small goose which it resembles while swimming.  The plummage is largely black and white with GREY on their heads.  The eerie yodel call of the common loon is a symbol of the wild north (you getting this).  The territorial male loon can be heard across lakes in Canada to the Northern United States.  They are noted for their tremulous WAIL.  A very loud and vocal bird they thrive in packs. 

Migrating Common Loons occasionally land on wet highways or parking lots, mistaking them for rivers and lakes. They become stranded without a considerable amount of open water for a long takeoff. A loon may also get stranded on a pond that is too small.  Or perhaps one that can’t hold their weight. 

Loons are excellent swimmers, using their feet to propel themselves above and under water and their wings for assistance. Because their feet are far back on the body, loons are poorly adapted to moving on land. They usually avoid going onto land, except when nesting.  They don’t move well on land because their feet can’t hold them up. 

So there is some background information on the loon.  If the shoe fits.  Grey on the head, can’t walk worth a shit on land, Loud insane wail that drives the other birds and everyone crazy.  The mating call is said to be one of eerie wailing and can be heard in the summer (when tours are in full swing), Loons are more sedate in the winter (nothing going on) but come spring, they spring into full action as they prepare for mating season. 

Now the analogies are startling.  If you read up you may see what I see.  During this exhaustive research, I found myself listening over and over the wail of the loon or as it’s known the call of the loon.  I became entranced with the annoying wail and the pain in it’s cry.  A cry of anguish, frustration and just plain lust.  So without further ado, here is the CALL OF THE LOON.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxAL2ADDX_4

 

 

 

TAYLOR MADE!

It certainly has been an interesting week.  Chrolls, Trolls, posters coming out of the woodwork.  Entertaining, no doubt, fun, absolutely.  I’ve had a chance to talk with some of our new found friends.  Hey, guess what, they are just real people with a real sense of humor.  Hard to find that in Taylorland.  And now that he is breaking every box office record known to man and has single handedly saved a mediocre, dying show, the loons must be on cloud nine.  “I told you so, wavering in every quiver in their voice.  He did it, our soul man is the best.  From the stellar Broadway reviews to the rumors he will be the star in Grease as long as the run continues, to the thudmats lined up outside the stage door.  What an awesome career move.  He sure called it on this one.  He is the star of Grease and has made a new name for himself.  From singer to Broadway star.  Wow!  must be an amazing ride he’s having in NYC.  A ride any performer would give their eye teeth for.  We are all so proud and full of glee.  Those few remaining loons that haven’t seen it yet, I encourage you to go and go often.  But you better book  your tickets far in advance as the show is sold out every single performance.  And don’t forget to be nice to the other actors in the show, I mean after all, they are so insignficant because Tay overshadows all of them.  Why even bother with Grease, maybe they can teach Tay to do all the parts and then it will truly be Taylorized Grease.  Still working on the hand jive I hear, idk.  Well so great news is saturating Taylorland.  Finally, something to cheer about.  The new fans young, old, alike all clamor at the stage door for his autograph.  They skip over the other performers, but you know that happens when you are the star of the show.  The ushers are old and tired of chasing the cameras going off and the cell phones, so they decided that fin honor of Taylor’s role in  Grease, the rules would be bent and you can take all the photos you want during the performance and videotape to your hearts content.  That way the ushers don’t get shin splints running through the theater for 5 long minutes nastily chastising photo takers.  So more good news there.  At the stage door, they are gonna install TV screens for the 50 deep group of fans waiting round the block for a glimpse, waiting for that signature and picture from Taylor Hicks.  The bodyguards will videotape his responses to one and all and the tapes will be sold around the corner by the guy with the cart and the raincoat on.   (Mildred you truly are inspiring) .

So there we have it, our soul man has left his mark on Broadway.  He has turned NYC upside down and they are loving it.  Every New Yorker has or plans to make the pilgrimage to the Brooks Atkinson theater to make sure they catch Teen Angel.  Pimp Daddy should be proud.  For those not able to get to NY for the 5 minute miracle that is Taylor Hicks as Teen Angel, fear not, the videotapes will be made available in record stores, Wal-Mart, Target etc.  The first order has been filled with over 1,000,000 advance copes ordered.  This includes the stage door pheonomenon.  So I am so happy for Tay and the loons.  The loons are at peace now and should be deathly quiet and stop lurking and cutting and pasting.  No need now, how could anyone say anything negative about Taylor. No way, no how and I won’t start here, cause I got nothing.  For once Morph is silent.  I am stunned into silence.  I got nothing.  It boggles the mind. *bows head in shame*. 

You know with votem gone, I can’t figure out how to embed these damn videos so sorry you will have to click the link.  You just have to wing it with me until her return next week.  But for now, we can carry on with smiles on our faces and  a song in our heart knowing that Grease was the best damn decision Tay has made in a very long time. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sogKUx_q7ig

ARE YOU BORED YET?

I wrote this blog last week.  Thought the timing was just right to put it up.  ROFL

Well i’ts been 2 weeks since the big Broadway debut. Got me to thinking. We’ve been taking bets on how long it would take before Taylor is bored to tears with the monotony that is Broadway. The performers love their audience, no doubt, but the same ole night after night does wear you out. The waiting, makeup, costume change, stage door. Ahh poor Taylor and the stage door. Wonder how many familiar faces he’s seen night after night? All summer long they will permeate his existence. I wonder if he can distinguish the Grease fans from the loons seeing him over and over again. Or do all their faces blend together after awhile. A friend saw him in the show recently, even went to the stage door, he was gracious, a bit pissy but we all know that’s just Tay. I read some of the threads around, it amazes me that the same people are seeing this show over and over. They MUST have more pictures of Taylor. They MUST have more video so they can hang on his every word. Hey Tay, they aren’t real fond of your bodyguards, ROFL. Good thing you have them though, you never know what lurks in the mind of a loon. Loons aren’t real stable you know. Let’s take a walk to the dark side of the moon er um sorry, loon.

After the Grease run was announced, we started placing bets on how long it would take before he would wanna run and get out of his contract. But if he is recording in NY and that is a big if, maybe the run will suit it’s purpose. A paycheck for sure. But the notoreity will calm down, the press will go away and the monotony become excruciating.  I mean after all doing a 5 minute song 8 times a week is so exhausting, he must be totally drained and worn out. I would be dead on my feet if I had to work 10 minutes a day 6 days a week.  We know Taylor is so antsy and we know he is working so hard on getting that cd ready. I just hope he puts some jazz into it, lots of sax, lots of keys. Jazzy, bluesy Taylor, um yeah, but I guess I may be disappointed, I’m told this one will have a country feel.. Ok now what’s with the early works? That kind of surprised me. Shocked me actually, well maybe it’s because there is no new music or I’m told very little new music.  Hard to fill a CD with 3 songs. The early works, certainly nothing wrong with it, but he’s a little new in the music world to resort to  re-releasing old songs which are actually new songs to  most people. Just saying!

Ok back to Broadway, you know Spam only has a few weeks left here. Everyone is real sad and bummed out. So many people out of jobs now, actors included. The principals are pissed, especially the gal who took over for Nicki. She moved here from NY and left a principal role in Lion King, just to have a couple months and the show closes. But that is theatre folks. It happens that way. I’m more worried about all the stagehands and lighting guys and makeup, hair etc. These people have families and with the economy the way it is, they are finding it real hard to get placed anywhere. One of my buddies got in at Ka so that is a good thing, the others, nothing yet. Closing night will be a real tear-jerker. It was just a little over a year ago, we had opening night with all the Pythons and a huge star studded event. Spam had a great run. It just ended way too soon. The reason for the poof of the show. Too much competition from the touring company. How fucking lame is that? What a pile of shit. We know the real reason. So sad.

Sorry I get off the beaten track sometimes when I think aloud. Well nothing much more, I really got nothing. Taylor doing same ole, same ole, so for many it will be a long hot summer. Me, I’m just hangin and working, hey Tay, you gotta pull something so I have something to write about, lol, oh well maybe September.

You seriously ought to do the Andre Agassi Grand Slam fund raiser out here in October. But whatevuh………..

Ciao

Morph out

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRGLjzFHa40

ROFLMFAO - TAYLOR PLEASE READ

Taylor:

If you do nothing else, please read the comments on the LIghtbulb Blog.   Since you are the honoree of the Shady Oaks Thud Club, it might behoove you to read about your members. 

Seriously, I have never laughed so fucking hard in my life.  Tragedy aside.  Sometimes you just gotta laugh.

You know Mildred, after you babe, I got nothing.  I just got nothing.

HOW MANY DIM LIGHTBULBS DOES IT TAKE TO FIGURE OUT…….

This blog was written by a guest! Anonymous guest. LOL!

The SP pretends like they know it all, that they are detectives, only they can’t figure out who owns modernwhomprecords.com? (Lots of other stuff they can’t figure out as well. LOL) I even read something so lame as “I don’t think it’s Gray, but it’s someone that knows how to write like Gray” and someone else wrote “The site was started in 2005.” Where are these people getting their info?! Searching a .com is not that complicated! Makes you wonder if some of them were dropped on their heads as babies or something.

Well, the big mystery solved. Gray Charles owns it. The site was created on June 16, 2008. The site is hosted by DreamHost, the same hosting provider who hosts Gray’s other personal site Pop Culture etc as well.

Some say it’s mean to Taylor and is making fun of him. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. But Gray’s definitely having a good laugh at the Soul Patrol though. Can you really blame him? He’s probably reminded why he stopped blogging to begin with.

Lightbulbs anyone?

THE SWINGING BRIDGE - EARLY MEMORIES PART 5

With Father’s Day having recently come and gone and all the turmoil and hell I’ve been through the past 2 weeks with the baby, I had a dream about this last night. A memory far pushed into the corners of my mind. Don’t know what prompted it, but I woke up this morning singing the silly song that Bobby Troup wrote just for this event.

The Swinging Bridge is/was an annual event - golf tourney held at Bel Air CC every year. It was a pro-am and very popular among celebs and pro’s alike. Daddy played in it every year, his schedule allowing. This one particular year, I drove in from our house in Del Mar to attend and be dad’s “date”. Now even though he and mom were separated at the time (going through a very nasty divorce), dad could never be seen without a woman on his arm. Me as daughter #2 was usually the “date” when he wasn’t happy with who he had to choose from. During this time, he would date women usually my age or younger which was fricking weird, but I got used to it. They would become or try to become my BFF. I could never understand the attraction, I mean after all he was my father, but something about money, power and connections seemed to draw them in no matter what the age. Later, he got smart and started dating the 30-40 year old crowd after even he tired of the bimbo syndrome. Anyway, sorry for the sidetrack. I was his date this night. His friends were more than used to seeing me accompany him, so I was treated as one of them, not his “daughter”. Driving in that day, I remember how beautiful it was, you couldn’t ask for a more perfect day in So. Cal. Perfect for playing golf and partying the night away. I arrived as they were teeing off on the 10th. Daddy was playing with Ben Crenshaw (Lee was in a tourney elsewhere) and Bob Newhart. Now Bob could keep everyone in stitches, what a fabulous straight man, his deadpan could send you into peels of laughter. Ben was fairly new and upcoming at the time, very handsome, hmmmmmmm. You know what I was thinking. Golf carts weren’t allowed during tourneys then, I believe they allow them now, but it was a huge no-no. No matter, I managed to commandeer a caddy to take me out to catch up with them. Another day on the golf course, I stood quietly, walked alongside and chatted briefly with the group while waiting. Now we had Joe Louis the boxer in the group ahead of us. Joe loved to play golf and was a lot of fun. Only one problem, he would get lost. Too punch drunk. We had a major hold-up on the 11th as Joe somehow managed to walk off to the wrong tee. While the tourney is being backed up and frustration setting in, I take off in a sprint per Daddy’s instructions to go find Joe. I found him on the 13th which is caddy corner to the 11. He couldn’t figure out why his group wasn’t with him. His caddy was in tow and just ahead of me. We got him back to where he was supposed to be and golf started again. I kept him in the cart (which was still there) between swings so he wouldn’t get lost again. (This happened more than once at a tourney). Now if you read my earlier one about the L.A. Open you know that I am the official beer dispatcher. No sooner do I get back and I’m being sent for beer and soft drinks. You know I was a production assistant to my dad, but at every event it got tiring. They were playing well and Bob kept everyone entertained. In Lee’s absence it was a nice respite. Bob was much calmer and not animated like Lee.

The Swinging Bridge is famous at Bel-Air because there is a swinging bridge there. Now I’m afraid of heights and every time I have to walk over that damn thing it brings terror to me, but I manage. Surprisingly most of the golfers hate it too. It really is creepy. After the tourney they always have a huge party, live entertainment and dinner. Tonight was no exception. Tonight we would have the pleasure of Glen Campbell performing. He was in 2 groups ahead of daddy and not my dad’s favorite person. As we wrapped up on 18, we checked the leader board. 2 shots out of the lead, not bad and the day was about over. The groups behind us had no prayer of catching up - so we were confident - and in fact they didn’t. Ben, dad and group finished 2nd. While the trophies and photos etc, were being taken care of, I went back to dad’s place in BH. It was “western” night in honor of Glen, so my little sundress wasn’t gonna cut it. I found jeans, boots and one of dad’s dress shirts, (my dad wasn’t a big man so it worked), popped on a tie, a belt (this was the style then) and left. Driving up the hill (actually Beverly Glen drive) I figured daddy would last about an hour after dinner before he went nuts and wanted to leave. Glen was his least favorite person and he never elaborated with me on why. He just couldn’t stand the man. Glen was still into drugs and booze then, although he had his new wife and baby in tow. When we were at dinner, daddy all of a sudden got really pissed off. Everyone was looking at him as he started snapping and pacing around. Les Brown and his band of Renown were playing and dad was prancing like a cat in a cage. I grabbed him and asked WTF. He said do you see that jackass, his wife is nursing their baby at the table. I looked over and she was. No big deal to me, but back then it wasn’t done. My dad said what a fucking prima donna, what the hell does he bring his baby to an event like this? Now she was starting to get a lot of stares from these chauvenistic men, she became uncomfortable and got up and went to the Ladies Locker room. Dad just couldn’t resist, he had to go over to Glen and make some snide comment. I could see it starting, Glen made some rude retort to Dad and Les played louder and louder trying to nip the ensuing fight in the bud. Bobby Troup, who some of you may remember from a show called “Emergency” way back when I was a kid was a musician also. He wrote this cute little ditty, called the Swinging Bridge. The lyrics were left on all the tables and I guess he decided it was time for a sing a long. He got up with the band and encouraged everyone to join in. We did. His wife, actress Julie London led the brigade. This seemed to distract everyone, “We’ll be there, we’re not square at the Swinging Bridge, gonna have lots of fun at the Swinging Bridge.” OK you get the idea. Dad and Glen still shooting looks at each other, but calm now. His wife stayed in the locker room for I don’t know how long, when I went in she was just sitting there on the lounge holding the baby. I asked to hold her and we chatted a bit. She said was everyone upset with her and I said no, they just don’t understand. She stayed in the damn locker room until Glen started to perform outside over an hour later. I felt bad for her. I told daddy he was being an ass and he just proceeded to ignore me and drink heavily. Fast forward, now it’s time for Glen to play. They had a stage set up for him outside, his band was there and he took the stage around 9. Now I liked his music, I had no problem with him, but had a feeling this concert would be short-lived for me because dad would want to leave. His friends encouraged him to stay and we managed to get through it until Rhinestone Cowboy. That was it, dad hated that song, lol, He walked off in a huff bitching and moaning about what a stupid song it was. I was enjoying the show and we danced, drank and had a blast. Well we did. Now during the show, Glen’s wife resurfaces, she stands next to me not knowing that my stupid father was the one leading the masquerade ball and Spanish Inquisition. I hold the baby and dance with her while her daddy is singing. It was sweet and his wife joined him briefly on stage. Glen is a very PDA person, he has no prob showing the love.

Now during Rhinestone Cowboy as I said, dad was MIA. When the show was over and the valets were getting those who could drive their cars, (the others were driven home by guest cars, lol) I’m looking for dad. Ben is looking for Dad, I find Jimmy Garner and he said he just saw him talking to some lady. AHHH! So dad was on the prowl tonight. I’m looking, the bar, no dad, the dining room, no dad, Jimmy goes in the locker room for me, no dad, I go out back, no dad, I run into Glen packing up, no dad, Bob is leaving, no dad, see Dean Martin on the edge of the bridge talking, no dad, so now what? I’m asking the valets, waiters, locker room attendants anyone I can find, no dad. An hour goes by, almost everyone is gone, I’m thinking ok, he took off and left me here. But his car was there as was mine so that didn’t happen. He wasn’t driven home, so he had to be there somewhere. If you have ever been to Bel Air CC, it is truly a beautiful club and course. But it is huge and many hiding places. I decide to stay put by the bar figuring he will surface sooner or later. He did an hour later, with a woman or should I say young lady in tow. She was around my age, pretty as hell, blonde petite, and she was hanging all over him. I roll my eyes, take a deep breath and politely ask where the fuck he had been? He just smiles and says go home, I’ll see you later. Typical damn response. Leave me waiting for 2 hours while he’s having a tryst with another bimbo in the bushes. She’s looking at me, I’m looking at her and so close to cracking up when I hear the strains of the damn Swinging Bridge being played over the loudspeakers. We can’t help but laugh, (a campy, yet sweet song). Her name is Lisa and daddy wasn’t coming home that night. I take off driving very slowly through the windy ass roads ahead of me. A daunting task after too much to drink. Arriving home, I just start cracking up until my mom calls me, then that same sinking feeling hits me. It hurts but what can I do. I tell her he’s sleeping, the golf tourney was great, they finished 2nd, he had another fight with Glen but all in all a good time. We hang up. Dad surfaces again 2 days later, Lee is back in town and another Pro-Am to go to the next week. Lisa is never seen again. Back to Palm Springs the next week with Lee, this time her name was Wendy.

“We’ll be there, in Bel Air, at the Swinging Bridge”

MUAH!

FOR THE LOVE OF A CHILD

It’s 11 a.m. and I’m waiting. Laptop blazing, nervous, scared but don’t dare show it. I can’t show my fear, I can’t let them know that the strong one is so close to the edge. My feet tap, my fingers try to type but feel numb. My brain is going a million different directions. How could this have happened? What could have been done to prevent this? Is this my curse? What have I done so wrong to deserve this? All the questions a parent asks all the time. All the answers that never come…

My daughter looks at me with a tear stained face. “Mommy, fix my baby, make her well.” Mommy, she’s in the hosptial, they are keeping her, Mommy it’s bad”. Ahhhhh, now you know. It started a week ago, the bite, a damn spider bite. The baby is 14 months, her sister is 3. They both had what appeared to be the same thing, Doctors said that it was a staph infection, the doctors were wrong. Lexi, the oldest, got well immediately with meds, the baby, not so lucky.

I watch my littlest angel fight sleep in this archaic crib they call a bed in the hospital. She is in pain, she is confused, she is fighting with everything she has. She will win this fight because God is not that cruel. Waiting for test results, waiting, waiting. Shit I think I have spent half my life waiting. No good news comes, not yet, not now. I have to leave, I’m dying for a cigarette, dying for a respite from this endless insanity, dying to get out, to run to hide, to leave Bree to her own devices and yell, well you had to have babies as a teenager, deal with it. We all know you can run, but you can’t hide. What you left behind you will be waiting for you when you get back. There is not point. Hiding, numbing, running, just makes it harder to face when cold hard reality slaps you in the face.

Part 2:

8:oo p.m., I’m home now, Lexi in tow demanding to know when baby sister can come home? For the first time in a week I dare force a smile. Bree’s tears have dried. The surgery will be minor, the infection did not penetrate the bone. The antibiotics are working. My littlest angel is going to all right. It will be a long haul and the surgery although fairly minor not pleasant. She is walking like a little ape. In pain for sure, but she cracked a smile tonight and held out her arms for a good hug. Not the lifeless, limp baby I held so close for days. It seems like years to me now.

I would like to thank everyone for their kind thoughts and prayers during this horrible time. Bree thanks you too, and Hannah thanks for sending the angels, they did come. For all of you, just remember, life is so short. We never know when our time is up. My baby angel is going to make it. Lexi is laughing tonight, watching the baby tiger videos Votem put up for her last night when it was hard to stop her tears. And now I’m holding my biggest angel in my arms as she painfully does my hair for the umpteenth time. There are chips in my purse, popsicle sticks on the carpet, and laughter streaming through my house. So for now, for just this moment, it truly is a wonderful world.

I sincerely thank all of you from the bottom of my heart. For all the hell I catch here, nice to know for once, someone had my back.

MUAH! MORPH OUT

THE $64,000.00 QUESTION

This is a blog I wrote awhile back. I’m putting this one up because I’m losing my mind on 2 other ones I’m working on that I can’t seem to pull together yet. So thought the time might be right to explore this question.

WHY DO WE CARE?

VOR threw a question out at those of us in chat the other night: Why do we even care about this man?

Hmmmm…. we all tried, but not one of us could answer the question. We just sat there I’m sure with dumb looks on our faces, trying to answer, answer that question as to why? Why do we care about Taylor Hicks?

Is it his looks? His hair? His eyes? His walk? His talk? His smile? Ok, sexy I’m stopping there. Is it his music? Could it be just about the music? Is it his voice?, his projection? His dancing? His woo? His Ray bend? His shout-outs? (God, please kill me now)

I wonder after what happened in the past year, why anyone does still care? So many questions, so few answers, waiting, waiting for something to happen.

So what is it? I pose this question to all of you. Do you know, do you even know what drew you into Taylorland? Maybe it was so long ago now, that he became a habit. A bad habit you just can’t break. Maybe, he seared himself into your soul in a way you just couldn’t escape. Maybe he played the victim so well, you needed to mother him and love him, maybe you thought you had a chance with him, maybe just maybe you thought his voice was beautiful, raw, edgy and the soul thing got under your skin. Maybe the way he prances around on stage is just too adorkable to pass up. Maybe, just maybe, he was a great escape. An escape with talent. A man everyone wanted so desperately to succeed. A hard luck story, that had a beautiful ending. Or it could have had a beautiful ending, now I’m not so sure?

I don’t care anywhere near as much as most. I’ve had no “Taylor experiences” but I’ll tell you this, for whatever insane reason and whatever the cosmos pulled together, I do care. Don’t want to and real close to not caring anymore, but I care enough to tell him the truth, tell him what some fans are really thinking. I tell him a lot of things, I’m sure he doesn’t hear or care, but regardless, it makes me feel better. Tough Love, baby. So now please share and ease my pain here, Why the hell do you care?

Let’s put the pieces of the puzzle together, before they shatter in a million pieces.

THEY’VE COME UNDUN

This is a rewrite of the rant from hell I wrote last night. It wouldn’t have been pretty had it gone up as is, so I’m taking votem’s advice, I slept on it and am rewriting.

The bat shit crazy loons have finally gone over the edge. I cannot believe the shit and crap that has become Taylor’s fan base. I am embarrassed for him beyond belief. I can’t imagine what he must be thinking, feeling, but you can see the fear in his eyes - the disbelief on his face as he is greeted night after night by the same loons in NY. I know they are working fast and furious to find out where he is living and with whom. They are trying to get his e-mail, mailing addy anything they can get their hands on. They are cozying up to cast mates, bodyguards and anyone who will let them within an inch of them. They infiltrate the Grease boards, fight with one another, file lawsuits, take down videos, threaten, cajole and plead. Why? WTF is going on? You people seriously need to take a step back and see what you have done. Taylor doesn’t want this madness, sure he signed up for some of it, but this has taken on a life of its own. I don’t for a minute think this is about Taylor anymore. I think this is about losing touch with reality. Lives so boring and dismal that obsessing over a 31 year old man who happens to be a singer has taken control. Control of their reasoning, thoughts, and sanity. I truly believe that the loons have finally crossed that threshold and have gone off the cliff. Who calls the police and claims internet stalking? GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK. You internet stalk Taylor all the time. Everyone has a right to their opinions, doesn’t mean you have to like it.

No one mentions names, no one mentions shit except what they think or feel. This has so gotten out of control. The “real” fans and that includes a whole lot of the normal SP are scared to even mention Taylor’s name for fear of being lumped into the category with the loons. So they have either left the fan base in disgust or just remain quiet. The normal ones stop posting, stop talking, stop caring? You think that helps Taylor. I bet Taylor would love to know he has some normal, real fans out there, but everyone is too scared to utter his name. Not me of course, but I’m not a conventional fan anyway. More like a tough love fan.

Ok, so here it is. Stop following Taylor around day in and day out. Stop shoving a camera in his face everywhere he goes. You don’t need another autograph, you don’t need another picture. Leave him be, go to the show, show your support, but leave him the fuck alone. Why does he deserve your obsession? We are fans for better or worse who think Taylor is talented, pissy, dark, moody, a pain in the ass, reclusive, in denial and maybe a bit bat shit crazy himself. We like the adorkable Taylor as long as the damn Wooooo and Ray Bend aren’t involved. It’s all good. But this in fighting among the fans and the threats and the stalking has to stop.

I know you hate me, think I’m just a Taylor hater, who is highly amused by myself. Couldn’t be further from the truth. I know you aren’t gonna listen, I know you aren’t gonna care, but do it for Taylor. Do it for his sake, what is happening in NY right now surrounding his Grease run is a FUCKING EMBARRASSMENT. One of his fellow cast members had to ask you to stop posting on her blog. Quit putting him in romances with the cast, molding his NY life into what you think it is or should be. I’m sure he dreads going out that damn stage door night after night, scared of what or who will be waiting. Let the people in NY who attend the show figure it out on their own. I’m sure he will get some new fans out of this, he does a good job, but let him breathe, let them breathe, shit, let us breathe. Let it go. He’s a big boy, he doesn’t need you to hold his hand. If you really care about Taylor, take a step back and look at yourself, look in the mirror. Do you like what you see?

GOOD LUCK TAYLOR, you’re gonna need it.

Oh and keep “the list” handy, I have a few more you need to add btw.